On growing up in 37 days.

So I guess here is where I write down all of my anxieties and fears that come alongside graduating. And here they are: get me the hell out of here.

I am so ready to be done with this place. It isn’t that college has seemed abnormally long, just the average four years, it just has seemed abnormally tedious. This semester has been an absolute joke, in every way possible.

I have spent more time making fun of my teachers and fellow classmates than I have doing my assignments and projects. I have learned more about the awkwardities of homeschool kids than I have about the Bible in my whole 30 units. I have challenged myself more in my relationships than I have in my classes.

So, I think you get it, I am done with this time in my life.

I am done feeling like I can’t do anything that matters. I am done feeling like I can’t measure up.

In 37 days I am going to be a college graduate, Damnit. Does that change a thing?

No.

Well, maybe a few things.

In 37 days, I will be forced to be financially, and emotionally, independent. I will have to fend for myself and feed myself. I will have to wear high heels and make conversations about Chaucer. I will have to order wines at restaurants and sometimes pick up the tab for everyone. I will have to be careful to never go to the hospital, in case my job does not have health insurance. I will have to make grown-up decisions and not just eat chocolate whenever I get frustrated.

In 37 days I will have to figure out where the heck my life is going. I will have to work to meet people. I will have to be social again. I will have to stop admitting to people that I understand their “Family Guy” references. I will have to watch things like “Anderson Cooper 360” and stop pretending that I have read all of “Pride and Prejudice.” I will have to give up my fairytale dreams of the future and being to understand retirement and 401K.

In 37 days I have to just start doing life.

And yes, I can still have my fun, and be a twentysomething out in the world. But I have to be a twentysomething grown up now.

And I think a part of me assumed I could be like Peter Pan and stay a boy forever.

I think I’m glad I can’t, really.

I think I am halfway ready to be out in the world.

And now I have 37 days to become all-the-way ready. And in that time, I will turn 22, two of my very best friends will graduate college and I will begin an internship with Utterly Engaged, really very grown up things.

So, goodbye Homeschool Kevin, BPBS, Simba, Tall kid, Crutches and AFBs. Adios Red Beard, Awkward Freshman Girl, Great Mouse Dectective, Leather Hat and Moustache Max. It is time for me to learn your real names.

So, I think I can do this growing up thing, as long as I get to be a child for 37 more days.

[Also, my wonderful and incredibly talented friend took senior photos of me: thasmisssundy.wordpress.com