On Sleep.

I never want to sleep anymore.
It isn't that I'm not tired, I almost always am.
I just don't like the act of going to sleep.
I realize that when I do, I am sort of surrendering control. When I'm awake, although I waste most of my days, I do know what I am doing. Whether it is spending ridiculous amounts of time on wedding blogs, sending emails, eating, text messaging or watching the latest shows on hulu, I still have control over what I am doing.
As it is, it's 1 a.m. and I'm sitting in bed writing when I should have been asleep over an hour ago.
I miss writing, I miss down time, so I take it when I should otherwise be asleep. This is the first day in the past few weeks that I am actually in my bed with the lights off before 2, and I can't bring myself to fall asleep.

I know that in the book of Genesis even God rested. NOT because he needed it, but because he did. He showed man how to rest. He made us to need rest. I'm not sure why. But, he did.

So here I am, not resting. I am thinking, and these thoughts - about the future, where my life is going, money, what I'm doing after May - all invade my brain.

And I'm realizing, God rested because he made the world in 6 days. He rested because he created something good. He created, and I facebook, tweet and watch a movie. I don't need rest from doing something great.

Sleep is a God-given thing, but the absolute last thing that I think I deserve.

I think right now I just need to be thankful for His grace and that he is in control, even while I sleep.

That being said, I think I may just give it a try.